You know when the main lights are dimmed and the colored balls of light are spinning across the dance floor and you turn your head really fast and the world becomes just streaks of color and light and happiness shining through the big black background of the world? And you know how for that one moment, and you just want to freeze it in time somehow, to capture that feeling that for just one second nothing can touch you?
That’s how I felt most of the day today.
Because two dear friends of mine, A and K, got married. This in and of itself is not out of the ordinary. I’ve been to/in several weddings a year for the past 5 years or so now. But today’s wedding was special because it was the first Queer wedding I’d ever been too.
I feel like queer weddings are a whole other thing to straight weddings. There are so many more choices to make. Do both wear dresses? One a tux and one a dress? Do you walk up the aisle? How much of the heteronormative traditions do you keep? On top of these decisions is a whole other layer of scrutiny and analysis. If you walk up the aisle in a dress and have your dad give you away, what is that saying? Is that saying– “I am making these patriarchal/heteronormative traditions my own and thus reclaiming them as queer” or are you saying “I want to be just like straight people, but marry another woman” or are you saying, “This is how I wanna do it so just leave me the eff alone.”
Tis a puzzlement.
In any case, A. looked beautiful and K looked marvelous and they both looked so happy that it made my heart so full for them. The pastor’s chosen scripture was from the book of Ruth, where Ruth tells Naomi that she’ll go with her anywhere and be with her always. They vowed to be committed spouses and were legally declared a married couple… in the state of Iowa.
I’m really hoping that soon that last part won’t ever be necessary again.
I had a few moments of feeling sad and a little angry that when queer people want to get married there is this whole other layer of questions and stress that come up about what family will come, who will be supportive, who will be noticeably absent. But in a way that makes a queer wedding that much more awesome. It is more of an accomplishment. I mean, I think that finding anyone on earth who will put up with your crap and hold you when you cry and tell you when you’re being stupid is a miracle in and of itself. But finding that person when you have a significantly smaller pond to choose from, and when a lot of the country wants to prevent you from declaring your intention to be committed to each other– that’s like… a really big miracle. Watching these two friends who have had so much to overcome stand together and dance together and laugh together filled me with happy and with love.
And then we all danced and the world became that blur of color and light.
And for those few precious moments,
I was utterly free.